Life with fear is a life without love. Strong statement, but oh so true. The opposite of love is not hate, but fear. Fear opposes love… and life. You cannot live a free, infinite, aware life in tune with all that you are and all that is while still attached to fear.
Fear is just fear! It is created by your imagination to make reality seem scarier than it is. When you take action and face your fears, they become weaker, because you realize that reality isn’t nearly as bad as your imagination.
The good news is, fear is not a part of you, it has not always been with you. As humans, we are born with only 2 fears, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling (and even those don’t stay with us as we grow). Every other fear, negative thought form, or fear-based belief has been instilled inside us throughout our life. Everything from riding a bike, to fear of water, to the more profound and common fears like fear of rejection, failure, worthlessness, etc… Have you ever seen a kid afraid of playing with fire, or getting on a bike, or shoving his hand in a dog’s mouth. This is because fear doesn’t exist in them until they are yelled at by their parents for doing something “wrong”… the yelling scares them into believing this is off limits, something to be afraid of. Or unless they get burnt by the fire, the physical reaction of pain sinks into their subconscious mind as fear never to approach fire again. This is how it works. Fear is created by your mind, your imagination… from life experience, from the moment you come into the world, from your mind, your parents, school, society, your environment, religion, etc… restrictions, limitations, and no no’s that build resistance.
Some fears are good to have… like the awareness that you should not jump off a balcony because you’ll get hurt. But these are just to protect your life. But how about those fears that stagnate your life, stunt your growth… those that begin to interfere in you really living and put limitations on you? Wouldn’t we all do without them?
Let’s first understand how fear can limit your growth, your love, your experiences, your purpose. Let’s say, growing up, all you ever heard was: Don’t bother following your passion or focusing on the things you enjoy to do because you can’t ever get rich or achieve any success in your life unless you work so hard in a stable 9-6 job. You will form a fear-based belief in your mind which states: I will never become rich and successful following my passion. So, what happens? You bury your passion and end up stuck in a boring job, one you don’t like to achieve the life you want to have. Afraid to leave it, yet unable to work hard because you don’t like it. Thus, Unsuccessful. And if you do decide to pursue your passion, the fear of that initial, deep-seated idea instilled into you “rich = working hard” will leave you unable to become rich, or achieve any kind of success… and inevitably stunt your growth.
Another example: you’re growing up in an environment where you are constantly told, men are mean, and careless. All they do is break hearts. Never trust a man, they’re cunning and sly. You grow up with a fear of men, a fear of giving your heart to a man, a fear of love. So you sabotage every potentially loving relationship because of your deep fear of getting your heart broken. And even if you do decide on being with a man, because of your other beliefs, you will always fear and never experience any sort of happiness or love.
Why live half a life? Why be satisfied with just that? Why settle? Overcome all of this chaos and noise in your mind. Be the master of your own life… and the beginning is by overcoming FEAR!
Awareness: Be aware. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to know that it is causing chaos in your life. You! Not anyone around you… only you! It’s easy to get so attached to your thoughts and feelings that you think they are all that exist, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Be in the Now. Stay in the here and now. Don’t let your thoughts and emotions dwell in the past or stray to the future. This does not mean: don’t make plans. But being in the now means not getting your mind stuck in ideas such as: what has gone wrong before and what could go wrong tomorrow. This will only build up your fear to the point where you feel unable to do anything. And instead… just run away (Flight response). Stop worrying about the future, the future will be the now soon enough. And when you get there, it will be much easier to get things done and live the life you choose when you have created a minimal amount of stress and fear within your mind. Whenever you feel fear, your mind is often dragged into emotional turmoil, a hypothetical future scenario where you think you might fail. Your brain is over-analyzing a possible situation, which leads to a negative, downward spiral of thought. This expands and empowers your fear to the point where you become almost paralyzed. The only way around this is to completely empty your mind of any and all expectations, assumptions, preconceptions and predictions. The only way around it is to Surrender.
Surrender. The term surrender is ambiguous. Surrender in this context does not mean to give up and go home. It just means don’t fight the fear and keep it out of your system, dismiss it entirely, or allow yourself to believe that it does not exist. Because it does, and that will only strengthen and anchor it within you. Instead, accept that feeling of fear. Observe it in your mind and body without labeling or judging it. Pay attention to the consequences it is bringing into your life with no judgment. Surrendering to the fear instead of fighting it will allow the negative energy it holds to pass through you, your body will release it and only then can you return to normal focus on the here and now again. Focusing on the now not only reduces the fear, but also increases the chances of you succeeding as your mind is focused, your confidence is intact, and your thoughts become clear and your heart is attuned to feel and be in a state of love.
Be Grateful. Switch your attention from fear to what you are grateful for. Be grateful for your body, for your life, for your blessings as I’m sure we all have them. If you’re afraid of the public speaking, be grateful for your voice and the opportunity to communicate with so many people and that they are there to listen genuinely and attentively to what you have to say.
Redefining you and reality. New Perspective. TAKE ACTION! To change yourself and overcome fear, you have to be prepared and willing to redefine yourself. You have to be willing to take the risk and keep practicing. No one can do it for you. And when you do, you will make what may seem to be the biggest, most incredibly impossible step not so large and you will progress pretty quickly. You have eliminate the ideas in your mind: “This is who I am”,“This has always been, this will always be” because as long as you think those are true, they will remain your truth. Yet, if you are prepared and willing to change, you can rewrite what you perceive as the truth about yourself and your personality, thoughts, actions and emotions and the whole world. There is no separation between you and the world. We are one. You might never be able to fully understand or internalize that statement – but just by entertaining the idea, it becomes much harder to feel fear. Without the perspective of separation, with the perspective of absolute unity, you automatically become calmer, kinder, less fearful and more open receptive and naturally connected to the rest of the world and to source.
Be Positive. Whenever fear strikes, flip it. Positivity can lessen the fear in your mind of what may happen in a new, scary, unfamiliar situation or how one might respond to what you are saying. A negative view of the world and their reactions creates fear and holds you back. But if you change your point of view from negative to positive, many of the people you meet will respond in a similar manner. In general, no matter how you think about the world, people are a mirror for you.
Total abdication of Control. We crave control and predictability, even though it’s impossible to get. When we don’t assume control, we experience fear. Yet, let’s ponder on that thought for a moment. Are we ever really in complete control? Even a professional swimmer can drown, a professional pianist can still make mistakes and mess up a show. Give up the illusion of control, and you are free from fear!
Meaning. Everything happens for a reason. This includes the fears we hold. It also includes overcoming fear and learning the lessons that come out of it. Your feelings are there to tell you something. Scan the idea in your head about the situation you are fearful of. Investigate your fears, what thoughts generate them; where, when and why you feel the fear and how you react to them. Be an observer of your inner space. Ask what the purpose of them is. Ask your heart, God, the Universe, or whatever you feel comfortable with. What are your fears trying to tell you? What’s the worst that can happen? Listen to the answer. Face your fear. Choose freedom… Choose life.
Understand Failure. Most of our fears are associated with the fear of failure, not being good enough, shame, or somehow not living up to the standards society or family has put up for us. When we realize that failure is not the end of the world, we become free. Failure is just a stepping stone to success. And most of all, once we accept that this is our life and no one can live it for us. No matter what choices we make, society can always butcher us, but that’s not our problem… in fact, that’s there problem with their own insecurities and fear-based beliefs. If we are attached to their expectations of us, how can we fulfill our own life’s purpose, how can we walk our own path?
Other powerful techniques to overcoming fear include EFT, Hypnosis, NLP, Yoga, Affirmations, Meditation or Prayer, Eating Right, Proper Breathing, Life Coaching, Talking (Yet talking may be tricky because we often hold back the negative beliefs we have afraid of how others might react or perceive us), Reading (Feel the fear and do it anyway, The power of now, The power of Intention, Wishes Fulfilled, The power of your Subconscious Mind to name a few books)